Listening to: the gentle hum of snow
Reading: japanese lyrics
Watching: God be good in his ways
Playing: live soon!! yay!
Eating: stuffed spaghetti squash!
Drinking: not enough water
i wanted to know you soon,
to be loved and to love back...
just as greatly on both sides.
i thought i'd wait forever for you
but you never showed and still you tarry
while in the mean time i could freeze
many figures dance before me,
laughing and lovingly held...
a strange warmth from out of this realm
centuries passed within years
for now i am growing too old...
to believe that myth called love
so don't wait for me,
this child of loneliness...
i will forget how to cry
i release the air that i had been clenching,
feeling numb as my heart beats again...
it has been too long to go without love
i am a child in the wilderness
so unlike any of you here,
or so it would seem
i thought you would come to rescue me,
to love me and to guide me...
but i'll even have to do that myself!
i rub life back into my bones
and moisten my face and hands,
shaking earthly dust from my fingers...
i cannot waste away like leaves,
when i crave life abundantly,
so i'll abandon this old facade
one can bury their own magnificence
but it's impossible to destroy it...
mine will break through barriers once it learns how
so don't wait for me, my love...
i get up and gently walk away...
because i'm no longer waiting for you.
sometimes we hold on and hope and hold on and hope and don't even realize that we are standing still, wasting away as our one life passes us by. chances come and go but time only goes; sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. i am still young but in many ways i am so old, needing to find a balance on the positive side of the in-between. how long should you keep hoping before you realize that it will not happen anymore? how can you believe when all you have experienced and continue to see is emptiness? or is it once you stop hoping and waiting, and you walk away that it finds you in the end? what is the difference in giving up or facing reality when it comes to aspirations? and yet the mind is a powerful thing: we can choose what to attract to us by the things we put into it. so how do we tirelessly choose good and hope and beauty when sometimes our spirit gets crushed or we get discouraged by what appears to be those very things? People make it seem like to lose heart is folly, but God understands pain and also joy, therefore he is the only one who knows the appropriate measure to give...but do we have input in that measure through the things that we choose to believe? if i try to believe when in fact i am doubting and growing colder...is that not lying to myself? denying the reality of the situation (that the dream is not happening)? oh dear....here i go again, being philosophical and thinking away!